cold turkey

i'm shivering
craving for it
it fucking hurts.

i'm nearly at the point where i'll do anything to get it.
nearly.

nobody told me quitting would be this hard

what do I do now?

life question i've only been able to answer recently:
what to do with a breakup?

for centuries, (at the risk of sounding cheesy) a broken heart has inspired many achievements, works and wonders. there's the taj mahal, built in memory of an emperor's wife. there's the hundreds of girls and guys dieting and working out to prove that they're doing better than ever before. there's some of the best music albums produced after a breakup or a divorce. i'm sure there's lots more examples, books, paintings, etc.

so, what do I do now?

logically speaking, as a writer, this should be one of the best times to write. All the emotions waiting to overflow onto paper and into words. but if i were to write something now, it will probably sound like a mixture of pop song choruses. so i refrain.

i know of a musician who purposely makes herself miserable in order to compose something beautiful. the irony. it is so much more interesting when a work is twistingly tormented rather than sunshine and rainbows.

to be honest though, all i feel like doing is curling up in bed and sleeping. in my sleep, i do not feel pain, i don't have to remember that i cannot have the person i want. in my sleep, it is mostly dreamless. but then there's that moment before i wake up, that few seconds that reality seeps into your brain.

then everything returns.

so then I get up and think
what do I do now?

back. again.

back from my september hols trip!
3rd day of uni today and i've already got a serious list of stuff to do. not fun.

the trip was ok. it was nice sightseeing but it really drained me to race across the bloody country.

will post the photos and post when i have free time (not any time soon)