THE LAST POST

i'm out.

there's supposed to be freedom
but reality is always never the way its supposed to be

when i have to censor what i say on this because of some people,
there's really not much point in writing.

i'll find some other way.

bye.

a way out

trying to find a way out.

somehow everybody's got a way out. transfering to another uni, or just taking the associate degree and just RUNNING.

i want to do that to.

maybe tomorrow, i'll have courage

school is busy.
i somewhat have a life.

i hope i can find something

judgement.

kristy was telling me on sunday that there was a video of 2 ACJC girls going at it in the school toilet. apparently her boyfriend was trying to locate the video.

I wondered how long it would take straits times to publish the story... i just read it and its currently the most popular article on the straits times website.

The media doesn't really give schools like the ACS family or MGS and other 'elite' schools a break. seriously, if this was from Millenia Institute or some other lower ranking JC, i highly doubt the story would be published. And then there's the 'inappropriate behaviour' complaint from a teacher in ACS article. Really Straits Times? its newsworthy?

I recently went for a job interview with a hospitality company in Singapore. Never mind my almost finishing a degree in hospitality[1 year left!!!!], never mind my trinity cert. One of the first things the interviewer asked was 'you're an MG girl ah?'

[face palm]. really?

And when going for our O level oral exam, teachers warned us that examiners' expectations would be higher because of the school's repuation.

Maybe its somewhat a compliment. that people expect more out of you purely because of the school that you come from. but its also a form of judgement. thank goodness in Australia, i've managed to escape that somewhat. but then i have to face another form of judgement altogether: being Asian.

I guess you can't escape being labelled and people treating you differently purely because of your heritage, your culture, your skin colour or your country of origin. but you can certaintly try to prove people wrong (in a good way) and surprise people.

Ah well. back to doing my business plan and doing bLaw.

2 more months till christmas!
3 more months to CNY'11.
i cannot wait >< !!!

time turner

"i like her because she sings to me. but mostly because i sing to her."

Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

Vanilla Twilight
-Owl City

I saw this on ebay, i think it would make a damn nice necklace, albiet a REALLY expensive one. I mean, really, how many people can say they own a TIME TURNER? yeah, from harry potter. WOOHOO.

So i traced it down to the original wesite that sells it( The Noble Collection):
This is the $49 version:

this is the $125 version(s): [Gold and Sterling silver]

being a student of very little money, i hunted down and bought this $15 version:

LIFE SUCKS. but i’m still happy-ish. at least i have something to put on my christmas list. 2 and a bit more months till christmas!!! XD

closer

there are certain people on this planet worth knowing

and considering them as friends.

they don't have to know you inside out
to provide you with strength

neither do they have to have similar interests
to offer their opinion

but just knowing that they care for you as you do for them

can be just enough to sustain you when you really need it.

cold turkey

i'm shivering
craving for it
it fucking hurts.

i'm nearly at the point where i'll do anything to get it.
nearly.

nobody told me quitting would be this hard

what do I do now?

life question i've only been able to answer recently:
what to do with a breakup?

for centuries, (at the risk of sounding cheesy) a broken heart has inspired many achievements, works and wonders. there's the taj mahal, built in memory of an emperor's wife. there's the hundreds of girls and guys dieting and working out to prove that they're doing better than ever before. there's some of the best music albums produced after a breakup or a divorce. i'm sure there's lots more examples, books, paintings, etc.

so, what do I do now?

logically speaking, as a writer, this should be one of the best times to write. All the emotions waiting to overflow onto paper and into words. but if i were to write something now, it will probably sound like a mixture of pop song choruses. so i refrain.

i know of a musician who purposely makes herself miserable in order to compose something beautiful. the irony. it is so much more interesting when a work is twistingly tormented rather than sunshine and rainbows.

to be honest though, all i feel like doing is curling up in bed and sleeping. in my sleep, i do not feel pain, i don't have to remember that i cannot have the person i want. in my sleep, it is mostly dreamless. but then there's that moment before i wake up, that few seconds that reality seeps into your brain.

then everything returns.

so then I get up and think
what do I do now?

back. again.

back from my september hols trip!
3rd day of uni today and i've already got a serious list of stuff to do. not fun.

the trip was ok. it was nice sightseeing but it really drained me to race across the bloody country.

will post the photos and post when i have free time (not any time soon)

yay yay yay

IMMA HAPPY PERSON.

XD

in SG now, with highlighted hair(thank you mummy!) and a full tummy. :D

exams are over, and i went to melbourne to visit the elginians+frequent visitors. thank you guys so much for the food and esp to melody for letting me stay at verve! <3 you're a really good hostess & cook!

got alot of things to do in sg but i'm happy doing them
YAY

will most likely post a few photos after i come back from rome & london. :D

so near yet so far

disconnect

hurts like shit.

so fucking painful
for once
i want to allow myself

to be weak

to just let myself be human

and cry
and just be properly miserable
wallow in self pity and chocolate

but there's studying to be done
and exams to be taken

so.
i have to stay sane
and strong

letting go

the most common grip kids have with their parents is that
they don't realise we're growing up

of course when a 10 year old says that mournfully to your face, the intial reaction is to supress a laugh then go on to kindly explain that parents need time.

but when a bunch of 20 years olds gather round a table and compete for the title of 'the one with the most smothering mother/strictest father' with increasingly funnier ancedotes, it gets you to wonder.

parents are our... well, parents. they mother you, they parent you, and certainly scold the crap out of you. but they have as much to learn as we do.

and the struggle is always that parents don't seem to realise we've grown up. They certainly expect the most out of you, they trust that you are big enough to do the small things on your own. they expect you to maintain your grades, to make your bed and do your laundry and survive. but when it comes to realising that the 20 year old kid is no longer that cute little thing that always depended on them, their brain shuts down.
like its the biggest denial they will ever trick themselves into.

but that's not my point.
my point is that for 20 years, we're essentially parasites, feeding off their bank accounts and destroying any chance they have at being cool. but somehow they love us even more. like stockholm's syndrome or something.
and suddenly within a span of a few months, they are expected to tell the kids to trot off and don't bother us.
its hard, we know. to allow us to do that is one thing, to believe that they should do that is another.
so in recognition of that, for allowing me to trot off to another continent and survive calling me once a week, thank you mum & dad.

thanks for allowing me to live my life.
thanks for letting me go and realising that i'm 19 years old and therefore should not be treated like a 9 year old.
thanks to dad for slipping me an extra $100 before i go off so that i have the cash to go buy supper.
thanks to mum for spoiling me like crap when i come back to sg
thanks for allowing me to make my own choices. even if you don't support it, you still say you do (i know mum's still secretly hoping that i'll go into commerce.)

so... mum, can my curfew be extended?
i've got to be the only 2nd year uni student with a 11 pm curfew in singapore.
come on...
please?

ROYAL FLUSH

ONE OF MY LIFE GOALS IS COMPLETE!!!

i got a high royal flush ><

A, K, Q, J, 10 and in a heart suite :D

although it was during 3 person taidi (with Nat and Dan, trying to study for marketing) i'm still happy!

next goal: 2, A, K, Q, J. IN SPADES!!!

inception

i just realised something about Inception

The scene when Ariadne & Arthur kissed.

quick give me a kiss
they're still looking
yeah, it was worth a shot

the double meaning behind 'it was worth a shot'. like the kiss as a distraction and to get ariadne interested ><

I LOVE FIGURING STUFF LIKE THIS OUT

university

You know how they try to advertise University as a place of vibrant learning, of meeting new people from different countries, of a place that accepts you as you are?

BULLSHIT.

it is a place that is interested in one thing, and one thing only
MONEY

they squeeze money out of domestic students & the government, while squeezing even more out of international students and donors. They do not care about your welfare unless you are protesting for it, which may hurt the reputation and therefore may hurt the $$$.

i just got informed by accounts that I am being charged $733 for a 2 day course in 'contemporary leadership'. WTF.
i wonder what they will teach us that THE PAST 3 COURSES OF VARIOUS 'LEADERSHIP' SHIT COULDN'T?!?!?!?!

bloody hell, i'm getting a headache thinking about it.

and the shit about meeting different people from different countries? how well can you know someone that doesn't speak english well? people in an unfamiliar situation will naturally cling on to what's familiar. eg overseas students in another country will naturally make friends with people from their country/speak the same language.

i have learnt cantonese and my mandarin has improved since i came to ozzie. in contrast, i still can't master the aussie way of saying G'day mate.

its not being racist. people will, by instinct, try to find familiarity in strange surroundings.

as for being a place that accepts your quirks.
yeah, right. people will still gossip and label you weird or a nerd or a blonde or something and that's the way its going to be for the rest of your life.

disillusioned much?

back to studying.

i love swotvac. so fun.

soft boiled eggs

after my stomach rumbled for the fifth time in an hour, i gave up trying to resist.

all i have in my room is indomie, sweets, chocolate and 3 eggs.

but thankfully for me, my tastebuds were craving soft boiled eggs!

so i googled how to make those runny soft boiled eggs that is absolute <3
and apparently you just have to boil it for exactly 3 mins and dunk it in cold water after.

NOT SO SIMPLE.
its soft boiled egg alright but its different, the yolk is too raw for my liking and the egg white alternates between clumpy and transparent.

apparently in ya kun, they are kept in water at 70-ish degrees to cook.

the perfection...
anyway
i settled for some ice cream
can't go wrong with that.

perks of hotels ^^

i absolutely love my friends who work in hotels

since i'm too lazy to get off my bum and find a job in a hotel,

i get the side perks

wenhao has brought me like 10 issues of newsweek & time. NICE NEW ONES :D

and bell got me a magazine(which had a review of tetsuya's!!!!) and let me look at the employee's rates at the hotel she works at :D
which is really kewl.

the other time i met johannes and kimmy, who were staying at the hotel johannes was working at. and we were waited on hand and foot at the lounge. free peanuts too :D

the interesting stories is what i'm in this industry for.

a few people had celebs staying at their hotels during their industry training.

according to james, m.c. hammer is really nice. which according to him, is really weird considering he has HUGE bodyguards and probably doesn't need to be nice. but he is. and that's always nice to know.

and a guest speaker told us about the time a celeb, *name shall be protected* , stayed there and asked for a really exotic type of sausage.
problem? it was 4 am in london.
ENTER: THE concierge(they are the bomb. the really good ones can get you anything. ANYTHING. anytime. seriously. our lecturer was telling us that they could probably get you tickets to a sold out concert. IF you're willing to pay)
anyway. the concierge had to call this butcher to open his shop.
which was halfway across london.
so the guest speaker had to drive there
come back
with the sausages
and ask the chef to cook it.

you would think huge tip like $100

nope. a 'thank you!' *closes door*

its amazing the stories that come. there's so many of them. i wish i could properly express them in some humorous witty way like matt preston or anthony bourdain's kitchen confidential

but i'm just a waitress who blogs.

relief

I CAN FINALLY BREATHE.

assignments are mostly over! with the exception of marketing...

and final exams are about to start

it feels good :D

time to start cleaning up my room
and prepare for the final battle
><

GPA of 3.8 here i come

sometimes.

sometimes,

when you need strength, you try to find it in various places
if taking a break and surfing the net doesn't help,

then there's talking to friends online. and if that doesn't work,
listen to music and zone out for awhile or a nap. but if you still can't

there's calling a friend. or a few. and just talk to them
but then you find yourself still worn out.

and then your best friends and family. they make you laugh for awhile, smile. wish you were home. and the thought of 20 more days till you're home!

but it seems today, no one gets you. your weariness.
and you look inside yourself and all you see is a well
of blackness. of darkness. an empty well. and you know you're nearly rock bottom.

you've been there before. and its so tempting to let yourself slide to that deep dark place, so easy. to just give up.

then there's nothing to do

but to fall to your knees
and turn to God. and seek solace in him.

and hopefully find in him what you've needed. strength. courage. a fighting chance
but when you've finished praying.
open your eyes. and stare at the four walls that surround you

you still miss what you've been trying so hard to ignore
and you know your source of strength is gone.

that realisation is just enough to push you over the edge,

down
down
down
that dark hole.

one day at a time.

a bear of little brain

from one of the wisest characters i know:

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you.”

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

“Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.”

- winnie the pooh

i’m turning 19 tomorrow and i’m still quoting winnie the pooh. :D i don’t know what the next year will bring but i hope it’ll be a good year

runaway

i want so badly to run.
run away from this
run into nothingness

school work's pilling up
and i have officially no life
i just need to get through this whole pile of shit

hypothetical question:

if the next one month of your life had no consequences, what would you do?

shooting stars

the beginning of the end. the end. and then a new beginning. and then it repeats.

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now

-airplane
B.O.B

i could really use a wish right now

things to do: week 6

 

send off menu

finish off start OB case study

be happy

ASA function marketing- contact world vision and discuss with Astin

wish tommy a happy birthday!

study for Rooms division mid term exam

chiong carefully construct ENG essay plan

sort out my LIFE

tidy my room

talk to one stranger today

email mum my exam timetable

Construct survey for marketing

procrastinate all

of the above

 

AHAHAHAHA

found something:

"after we were dismissed i stayed back in the AIRCONDITIONED classroom and chatted with the guys. was quite an interesting convo. they told me that manching has 6 pacs. cheehow says it's almost 8 pacs already."

- zhoudynasty.blogspot.com (one of bill's dunman high classmates). Jan 03, 2007

AHAHA. i couldn’t stop laughing after i read this. all the elgin people can attest to the fact that as of 2010, those 6pecs have disappeared and formed the united nations.

on a more serious note, he once showed me a photo of him struggling with his st john’s team and his shirt was being held up. clearly defined 6 pec in that photo. i remember thinking to myself ‘how come i got the downgraded version?”

goingonpointes

i remembered while walking home why i chose the url for this blog

going on pointes

to go on pointe in ballet is to start using the block shoes, the one where you rest your weight on the very tip of your toes.

for me, after 9 years of doing ballet, pointe shoes was all that i could dream about. it marks a transition. its a sign that you're strong enough and willing to endure the pain. in life the equivalent would be the transition from child to adult, a slow process, painful.

and it seems that ever since i've started this blog, my life has kept on transforming. from an all girls' environment to a mixed JC, from singapore to melbourne, from melbourne to sydney, from studying to working, from friends to strangers and from strangers to confidants & close friends.

keeping turning the pages, i want to know what life will bring me.

singapore- exactly 6316km away

it goes like this
the fourth the fifth
the minor fall
the major lift

there's a wooden post in icms that i used to stand next to when i felt homesick:

it gave me some sort of comfort. that just maybe, maybe, if i aligned my body exactly to the direction it was pointing at, and if i closed my eyes, that i would be home.

i have a ton of work, research and two deadlines within 12 hours. uni life. gotta love it.

i will never be a chef

IMAGINATION.

i do not have what it takes to be a chef.

: (

off to rewrite my menu.

i've asked for help from 2 chefs, and both are reluctant to give me any. problem is this is SOUL BALL. soul food.
seriously, give me any other cuisine and i'll come up with it within a day. italian, spanish, chinese, japanese. but soul food, african american food? i have no idea.

oddly enough, chef decided that chicken salad wrapped in betel leaf was one of the better ones, as well as my pork belly. that's chinese food!!!

eff it. if you've got a singaporean head chef planning the menu...

well, let's just say i'm seriously contemplating putting prata there.

glitter in the air

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

glitter in the air
-pink

ask yourself all of these questions
& sometimes, you don't need an answer

i think of all the things that have happened to me so far, and at the time, problems seemed so big, projects seemed to matter but now its just a memory, something you've grown stronger from.

imagine all of your life's major problems, they'll fade away into nothingness just like that time you didn't bring your textbook to a super strict teacher's class, or you and your best friend were quarrelling and now its nothing.

like a scar, it leaves small marks on your character, shaping you into a person.

imgfave

i abit the slow when discovering websites.

i don’t know how long this has been up but i love love love looking at it :

http://imgfave.lg1x8z.simplecdn.net/popular

i love most of the pictures. i would love to print all of them out and wall paper my room with it, but the school printer’s quite sucky & doesn’t do the pictures justice so i’m happy just looking at them. :D

on a side note, don’t you think my font’s ampersand, the ‘&’, is exceptionally pretty? :D i should learn how to write my ‘&’ like that. mine’s a sucky normal ‘&’.

a small part of me will always miss you & try to love you

thoughts of the glutton in me

YOU KNOW WHAT I MISS ABOUT MELBOURNE RIGHT NOW?!
besides the wonderful elgin/verve/cs/all-the-other-places people

THE FREAKIN FOOD

i miss the food

omg. i'm so hungry now. and i'm still thinking of ways to improve my menu for the upcoming function. SO, hungry me, searching for recipies = RAWR. TORTURE.

its difficult looking at food food and more food. the pictures are so alluring, its like food porn. now i know how the guys must feel in NS where porn is blocked and there are no girls and all they can do is stare at the lousy photo of their girlfriend.

i have red rock deli, tim tams and indomie in my room with me.

BUT MY TASTEBUDS DEMAND
the red spice road pork belly
mekong spring rolls
melody's jelly
hazel's chicken wings
my own portebello mushrooms in garlic butter(i do realise i can make this anywhere in the world but it tastes better when i'm cooking it and bill is trying to sneak some off the frying pan)

sigh
i'll have to settle for some indomie (at 2 am in the morning?! gasp! your weight!)
but jeff's fried indomie tastes much better

and i'm terrified

Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Say a prayer to yourself
He says close your eyes
Sometimes it helps
And then I get a scary thought
That he’s here means he’s never lost

As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late too pick up the value of my life

'russian roulette'

rihanna

slowly

i think i'm slowly learning to find my happiness in sydney

its still a shit dorm that i'm living in. its still WAY more fun in melbourne.

but i'm learning to appreciate tiny things. a meal with people is still something to be treasured, having a laugh with classmates will still make you happy.

my mum and dad went off to turkey and syria to retrace the footsteps of paul or some other disciple. and my mum decided to stop in dubai after that. I WANT TO TAKE A HOLIDAY. preferable to some exotic destination. i haven't gone on holiday for 1 and a half years now. and by holiday i mean not melbourne/sydney/singapore.

i just got off the phone with my parents, both in an unsually good mood (probably because of the nice holiday they had) and my mum suggested going to rome, great barrier reef or japan in september. YAY. BUT if i go rome, i want to have savings to splurge in milan, great barrier reef- i have to learn to dive first and japan, well, i don't speak japanese and i still want to have money to spend on those kawaii stationery and clothes. I NEED CASH.

i'll think about that when the time comes.

until then, i've got to STUDY. and think of ways to get the cash i need so badly.

trying

i do try to be a good person.

why is it so hard for me to open up?

i remember when making friends was the easiest thing in the world.
i remember when i wasn't so...

cold

surprise

so basically, bill managed to delay me and distract me until we reached elgin street after eating dinner and going to borders to read. he tried turning the key but it was stuck (a common occurence) then asked me to try. when i opened the door, there was total darkness except for a light shinning in my face and everyone (15 of them) started singing happy birthday

 

=.="

even though they were singing happy birthday and it was a farewell thing, i was still very touched. only at that point in time did it strike me that i was going to leave all these wonderful people behind. and that knowledge was the 3rd worst feeling i had. i alternated between laughing and crying. there was supper that melody and chermaine had made (kaii helped- i know she’ll insist i put this in). and the barley with ginko nut and fu chok was so nice and melody’s famous jelly was there. and jeff had boiled chrysanthemum with rock sugar cause i had a sore throat. >.< i’m using a lot of my not usual emoticons here cause i was really damn touched.

there were 2 highpoints during the supper that i felt, well, like crying and laughing.

reading through the scrapbook and reading all the messages. and looking at my retarded photos.

jeff was looking for cups and all were dirty. so he took a cup and washed it in the sink and scooped directly from the chrysanthemum pot with the cup. then he handed it to me. i was shocked beyond words. its not that jeff is an unkind person or something. he fries indomie(yum) for us when we request it for lunch and he downloaded house m.d. for me. its just that he doesn’t show much emotion. and when he handed me that cup of chrysanthemum tea that he boiled and the cup that he washed, it made me want to cry. so i pretended to fake cry and he did the same and we both ended up laughing so much.

thank you: xian, hua & donk(who didn’t make it) for the messages. to debs, amy, grace, lin, kendrick and wai hoe, thanks for coming. to melody, chermaine and kaii, thanks for planning this and ensuring that i didn’t get suspicious and for cooking and making the scrapbook and decorating the place. thanks to ryan, jeff, chen, jia yang for the loan of elgin 270. thanks to bill for keeping me distracted.

thanks to everyone for making my wish of having a last meal&gathering come true.  :D

day 4, term 5.

i am determined to have my cake and eat it too.

day 4 in sydney, 198 days till the end of the academic year so that i can go home

got everything settled in. still require a hole puncher, a mechanical pencil, a small sink filter/drainer thingy and a hand towel. the room looks REALLY BARE without the stuffs i usually bring like my 2 posters, pooh and the stationery box. i managed to bring all my stuff in with 1 23.8 kg luggage, and 2 hand carries. AMAZING RIGHT. my room has a sink which i am grateful for and will attempt to wear contact lenses. yeowch.

melody and grace messaged me today and the guys called yesterday. i argued over the phone with ryan about how Catholics are classed under Christianity along with protestants. ITS LIKE CATHOLICS ARE A SUBSET OF CHRISTIANITY. GO READ WIKIPEDIA. OR THE BIBLE. OR SOMETHING. i’m pretty sure i’m right. anyway, its really expensive to debate over phone of theological matters. but its ok cause he never finishes his credit anyway. ahh. the arguing makes me feel like i’m back at elgin.

as for the smses from grace and melody, it didn’t make my blood pressure rocket but it also did make me feel like i’m missed. which is a very nice feeling :D

as for school life, i signed up to be the liason between the asian students association and the singaporean population here which is a grand total of 4. but there are events to be planned so :D may the force be with me(and my butchered mandarin)

goals for this term? my marks will be 75 or higher. and a gpa of 3.5. eat more fruits and be more consistent in studying. i think that’s about it. OH AND WORK LIKE SHIT. ok :D

met up with kristy, sean, denise & kevin here. sean gave a tour of uni of sydney and its FREAKIN BIG. like sprawling. twice the size of melb uni. and its so pretty :D i’ll definitely go back to take more nice shots of the quadrangle which is modelled after oxford and cambridge and its the oldest part of it. and the grass inside the quad is GREEN. its as green as artificial grass. its so nice. but the grass is off limits.

i’m trying to find the little happy things in sydney. its difficult. in melbourne, it just flows in abundance. so i’ll have to adjust and learn.

which brings me to the ‘thoughtful, deep and meaningful’ shit.

one of the most important and valuable lessons i learnt was how to be alone. sounds weird? i always had a group of friends in mg(sec school) to eat with, play with and stuff. but sec 2 came and there was nobody to fall back on. i had to slowly learn to go downstairs for recess and sit by myself and eat. and not to feel isolated just because i wasn’t good friends with anyone in my class. it isn’t easy. to have the roaring laughter and chatter surround you and you’re by yourself and you have to not feel down about that. but its very easy to sneak food to somewhere quiet and eat there in the peaceful silence. but to me, that’s the easy way out and you’ll never learn. its easy to be alone when its quiet.

so i will try to reach out more. to people, to my books, to God.

yet another hypothetical situation

2 more days... :(

shall not emo, just had an awesome night with mel, kendrick, cherm, kaii, grace, debs and bill :D
when the photos are up on melody's fb, i shall steal them then write it properly with photos! :D

hypothetical situation:
(i was half awake, half asleep last night and i half dreamt that someone made me drink a bowl of soup that tasted of memories. don't ask how. and i entered a room and the following senario was presented to me)

you are presented with 2 choices:
[with the following givens: 1. THE ONE for you exists. he/she is THE ONE that is your true soulmate. 2. you have to choose a senario. there is no 'i want to continue with my normal life now'. take it that you have drunk the same soup my dream self has drunk.]

- you will be become very attractive. like 80% of girls/guys will see you and stare and go 'omg, there's my dream girl/guy. HOWEVER. your THE ONE will not love you, you will be good friends forever and ever and he/she will never ever like you

- you will remain the same. HOWEVER. your THE ONE will like you but circumstances will never permit the both of you to be together.

don't ask me how my brain can come up with this shit. damn good imagination right? sadly, i don't think i can come up with an alternate universe to write about and become bloody rich, like harry potter or percy jackson or artemis fowl. otherwise i wouldn't be studying hospitality. i would have already bought the hyatt brand. maybe i should come up with an alternate universe about hotels and how secrets can get trapped in the mirrors of the hotel... sounds like shit.

you know the sad thing?
i would choose the first option. i'm so shallow. but i think its better that the person doesn't like you rather than both of you cannot be together. i think you would become a very bitter and jaded person if its the 2nd option.

:_ (

i've just emo-ed on a fb note.
and it sucks that i'm leaving this wonderful group of people
ryan once commented that the group of housemates is, in its own way, perfect

and the group is perfect, in its own dysfunctional, vulgar way.
there's people
to laugh at
to laugh with
to have heart to heart talks with
to gossip with
to cry in front of
to love
to play with
to share all the precious moments with

i wish i had taken more photos, to remind me of the small moments, the inside jokes, everything

i can't believe i'm being such a sap.
in a way, its more painful than leaving albert house
because even though we're not living together anymore,
its still a very strong bond that all of us share
and all those moments have strengthened it

and its so hard to leave behind

its not so fun being sick

AH. winter

most people will recognise it by the crisp cold air brought by the winds, some will realise by the last of the leaves falling from the bare branches.

not me. for me, winter starts with a sore throat

not a major one, just a mild one that reminds you to eat a few more fruits and gives you an excuse to buy those delightful tasting honey and lemon strepsils. then it all snowballs. feeling lousy all over, cough, phlegm, ‘a weally stuffy dose’ and then coughing your guts out(quite literally). every year, i seriously consider buying a humidifier just so that i can breathe.

in 07 during a trip to the US, i had to be dosed on nasty chinese medicine, courtesy of my mum. i survived on soup, hot water and that. recovery time: 1 week

in 08, the night before my pyschology exam, kaii and cherm found me in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet bowl, pysch notes on my lap, with hot water running and fogging up the bathroom. i took redoxon (that orange fizzy tablet) with every mouthful.recovery time: 1 1/2 weeks

in 09, i was continuously sniffing a ceramic cup filled with hot water, even in lectures. took as many baths as i could. still stuck to normal icms food. recovery time: 2 weeks

my battle plan this year?

strepsils, chinese medicine, HOT liquid diet and as much sleep as i can get. let’s see if it works on my i-really-COUGH-want-to-COUGH-die

beautifully terrible

all in its own way, all perfect.

100 years is one of my favourite songs. its probably the piano melody more than anything else. but every time i hear it, i am less the 15 years and more the 22.

i don’t want to be a murderer

i know saint peter won’t call my name

before its too late this could all disappear

and i don’t want to miss a thing

it doesn’t matter anyway, you know its just too little too late

Dear God

i need a miracle

why do we have to struggle through life?

why can’t we be just born with knowing what we want and knowing how to get it? why can’t we have a freaking road map to life in our hands?

why do you have to let us decide?

and make us so

human

easter week. <3

i is happening yo.

a few weeks ago was a 1 week holiday for the melb uni people & so,

we played to our hearts content.

:D

the hols started off with good friday so we went to CROWN.
to eat $4 fish and chips. which was really good. and watch people gamble.

on sunday, i put on my rambo pants(they’re just cargo pants but i like to imagine that i could do a rambo in them) & we went to shoot each other PAINTBALL. me and yolanda (chen’s friend) were the only girls so when the group went out to take a break, i nearly followed them into the guys’ toilet. got 2 bruises within 2 cm of each other. cheebye painful. killed 2 people while in the sniper’s tower. & if i ever want to join the army, it’ll be to train as a sniper.

 

dragged my poor feet to go clubbing the same night. there was an event in an old hotel. watched girls from a famous club in taiwan perform there. black music was playing THE WHOLE TIME. there was not one artist who wasn’t of african-american descent. which was weird, considering that 99% of the clubbers were asians. me and bill decided that our $25 was spent on: $5 for the bunny ears they gave out as a welcome gift, $5 on the music videos that they kept playing on screens, $5 on the old hotel, $5 on the girls and $5 to pretend to be kewl.

also caught up a bit with yiwen when we went to planetshakers conference with junkit and alicia. awesome music. and although i was super tired, i still managed to pay attention to the message. some non christians i know are surprised at how technologically advanced the churches are, with telecast and the sound accoustics & some having the sermons available as podcasts.

also went to brighton beach! <3 we made all sorts of food and went to have a picnic in the freezing cold weather! i was convinced that the seawater was 2 degrees away from being total ice. i miss warm beaches and warm seawater to play in. junkit was being a perv and asking all the girls if they wore bikini under their clothes. the agreement was that the girls go sleeveless and the guys go topless. altogether, it was a happy day, ending with a meal at rose garden for most of them. but me, bill, kendrick and lin watched shutter island on lin’s huge super cool tv which can access his hard drive when he plugs it in.

this is lin’s ginormous couch. we’ve watched a lot of movies here

 

sandcastle.

architects and interior decorators: jasmine lung, debbie soo and melissa lim

ate out alot & played alot & slept alot. :D

happy happy me      p.s. kaii says she likes this photo. i like it too! 

photo credits: jiayang, xian, kaii, melody & everyone who made the pictures what it is with their smile :)

a cold april day

i don't want to miss a thing

its been so cold recently, to the extent that there are blankets hanging around the living room. and whenever people come over, they immediately sunggle under it.

i like the feeling of being nice and warm under the blanket. or the smell of a successful soup.
yay. good feelings.

OH YEAH

even though the person this is intended for doesn't read my blog
i'm still going to post this

a person who's stuck in a bad position doesn't choose it
but you can choose to do what's right
and you can be more mindful of the fact you've hurt someone by your actions
and you can remember that what goes around comes around
xoxo

i think i'll try defying gravity

to my grandparents

the most loving thing i've seen wasn't on tv or in a movie.
it wasn't in books, or in my imagination.

2 days before my paternal grandmother died, a few members of the family was sitting around her bed and my grandfather was holding her hand. the look that transpired between them was one i had never seen in my entire life.

i later asked my father what that look meant. he paused and thought for a while said
'i think its grandma letting kong kong know she's going soon'.

that look said everything.
it said take care
don't forget to eat
i'll miss you
i'm going soon
be good
i forgive you
thank you
i love you
very very much

that look was beyond words. it said everything. and even the most cynical person would believe in love after seeing my grandparents like that.

they quarrelled alot. i remember them bickering at sunday dinners over kong kong eating more, i used to call them 'kids'. i know my grandmother wasn't easiest person to get along with, her temper was infamous. my grandfather courted her by going over to her father's place to do business and sit there and both of them would quietly eat bananas together. they had been through alot together.

60 years, 4 children & 5 grandchildren.

to my grandparents.

allinaday'swork

today was a memorial service for a sports commentator.
at the member's dining room

it seemed more like a party to me, free flow of wine, bubbly and beer.
with finger food

the atmosphere reflected the party mood to me too.

to be honest, if it weren't for the large portrait near the bar, i would guess a club get together or something.

i gave 90% of effort today. but my brain wasn't functioning.
as a result, ok service but my supervisor must have thought i'm damn dumb.

tomorrow is setup for F1 so hopefully things will go better.

sighsighsigh

you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams- Dr Seuss

i love quotes. especially witty ones and the ones that make you go aww.

i figure quotes can come from anywhere: poems, songs, books, movies, etc...

they have a way of summing up, ever so elegantly, a whole argument or a way of thinking, and its often food for thought.

on another note:

i miss a few friends & i can't talk to them because they're in SG.
i'm thinking of getting a blackberry. because of the BBM.
which is like MSN but you can message anyone in THE WORLD for free as long as that person has a blackberry as well
but kaii says that all her seniors who have bbs all regret getting them because their boss can contact them anytime. oh my gosh, i do NOT want that to happen to me.

:D

there are approximately 750 000 words in the english language. Some words, like hierarchical, are difficult to pronounce but the hardest ones to say are 3 simple words

:S

i find it sad that losing friends is inevitable
whether you drift apart or quarrel or something happens.

sigh..
onto another matter,

happy 19th birthday tang man ching :D

you're 19 now so please act like it and not some spoilt kid XD
hope you enjoyed your birthday, even though you had to do abit of your essay

all hail

ITS

HAILING.

The stones are LARGE. the last time it hailed it was like ant sized. THIS IS LIKE:

The hail on my window pane.

I put this in because she the white dots on the road? that’s how much hail and rain there was.

shall update later on cherm & bill’s birthday celebration

what wouldn’t i give

that’s from the movie fame and the principal dancer in that scene is a so you think you can dance finalist, Kherington Payne.

to dance like THAT. wow. what wouldn’t i give.

on a side note dance can be really unfair, you have 1 lead and like 20 dancers to just stand around. and those 20 dancers rarely get picked up by the companies even though they’re talented.

draco malfoy

taken from anger management, a harry potter fanfiction:

"You may not, I repeat, MAY NOT have a boyfriend at this age! Do you understand me? This flirty nature of yours has got to stop now. I will not tolerate this. Do you realize what will happen to you once you get sorted into your house? God forbid you end up liking a Slytherin like your mum. Those wretched boys are going to be all over you! I can already see myself fighting them off with my bare hands!"

"Dad, Christie is four."

"Leo, son, I am well aware. But you did NOT see her flirting with those five year olds at the park this morning!"

its a draco malfoy/hermione granger fanfic. its good for a short story.

back at russell street

tasty is the forbidden fruit
but should permission be given
to enjoy it
i believe all its flavour would be lost

landed in melbourne

god, i really really dislike planes, although SIA made the journey much better

thank you whoever met up with me in singapore, for your time and effort, i really appreciate it.

you can hear cars and stuff from my apartment.
pink was just blasting from a car. love her songs and her attitude.

& i don't need you tonight

finality

grandma looked peaceful. i was the last to place a flower inside her coffin before it went into the crematorium. the family was given yellow roses, because that was her favourite flower.

met up with manda. she managed to tear a $10 plastic note. don’t ask me how:

the mood for this trip back was very low. like gma first, then we couldn’t celebrate CNY. friends are all working and they’re kinda nervous for A level results. and on top of that i’m down with the flu.

the new malls depress me. ion, 313 & orchard central. they look alike. bright lights, loud music & stainless steel & glass = headache.

i should go ice skating or clubbing or something. something to take my mind off everything.

dust to dust

we all live, we all die

at least i got to say goodbye.

2 more days of greeting relatives and family friends.

her lipstick shade is too pink though. she always wore it bright red.

the tent was done well. nice white sheets.

my job was to refill peanuts, melon seeds and sweets on the table.

i think tonight it will be collecting donations.

all in all, i think grandma would have liked her own funeral.

sg

i've been emergencied back to singapore

so here i am, back in my humid hot home country.

i realise that

1. i have flown about 15 times in 2008 & 2009. Mainly to and from melbourne, sydney and singapore. therefore, i have consumed at least 10 disgusting meals, survived crappy service and packed my whole life into suitcases and boxes 3 times. take this advice from me, a spoilt singaporean: stick to SIA. Qantas has a lot to catch up on.

2. aussie immigration don't have a problem with me but singapore immigration does. EVERY SINGLE BLOODY TIME the singapore immigration will ask me how i got my USA passport. once they hear the singlish accent coming from my mouth they will stamp my passport. this time coming back was even funnier:

i went into the singaporeans queue. and the officer is a chinese and there's a malay officer leaning against the booth flipping through those 'CNY specials' catalogue that supermarkets like to give out.

so the officer looks at me, looks at my passport, looks at me, looks at my passport, not convinced that it is actually me. then the malay officer asks 'eh what is dis buddha jump over de wall ting arh?' The chinese officer is abit preoccupied with making sure that the girl in front of him is really both american and singaporean so he goes ' er er er... is de....' and i pipe in helpfully "sharks fin" the chinese officer looks at me and then immediately stamps my passport, convinced i am actually a singaporean because of my answer.

3. i am apparently going to visit my ill grandma every day cause that is the expected thing of me to do, as the eldest daughter of my father. she’s quite unresponsive, not talking. but she does nod or shake her head and her eyebrows do lift up when i tell her something that she finds amusing. everyone thinks she doesn’t have much time left. secretly, i am hoping she can survive although rationally i know it isn’t a comfortable life she’s leading now. i once debated for euthanasia, and i believed what i was saying. now though, i find it difficult to reconcile my heart and my head

4. went back to GB for fellowship camp. i was a station mistress with manda. some idiot group greeted us with ‘good evening sexy mistresses’(mistresses to who?!?!) and ‘good evening chiobu-s’. Every squad that passed through our station had to greet us with some variation of hot, sexy, cool, pretty, beautiful. :D including marianne’s squad. i wish i could have taken a video of marianne calling me “ hot station mistress melissa” but sadly, nah. went for supper with manda, melia, stacey, pet, dodo, vera, seow & mak. also saw sam there. we were at KAP, and it was full of orientation groups. i felt so old. <YEAR 2 OF UNI> just kept booming in my head. but i was happy because manda was next to me, worrying as usual, and on the other side of me, melia was listening to pet pet and stacey nonsense and i was talking to mak and seow and dodo and vera were also talking and everything seemed, for awhile, like we went back in time to sec 4.

Summer love

its summer in Melbourne and the temperature is like 27 degrees. So much for a warm summer…

having the summer school people here is really fun cause they’re quite game for anything and we’re all foodies! :D

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When i go back to Sydney and i remember the albert house people, the summer of 2010 will be one of my best memories  <3

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<3

:D

i can’t wait to see all of them again:

My father’s side (excluding my 2 cousins)

My mother’s side is just too many to fit into one photo.

i think CNY is my favourite time of the year. Christmas just gets more boring as you grow older. CNY you get angpows, gambling, funny relatives and lots and lots of goodies.

The Office Prayer

Dear God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I cannot accept,

And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people

I had to kill today because they really pissed me off,

And also, Lord, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today,

As they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work....12% on Monday, 23% on

Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Fridays.

And most importantly God, help me to remember

That when I'm having a really bad day,

And it seems that people are trying to piss me off,

That it takes 42 muscles to frown,

And only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.

cause & effect & 2 awesome books

everyone has gone home and walking to the suzuki night market(at queen vic market) tonight with grace, kendrick & melody made me realise that most of the asians are GONE
like there are actually the same number of caucasians and asian along swanston street.

wow
once a year migration
i wonder if this has any effect on anything

like in freakonomics
awesome book. i wonder if they'll have a degree in that kind of stuff. it basically applies economics to... non boring stuff like drugs and the klu klux klan. my favourite chapter is in superfreakonomics (the sequel) and its the epilogue about monkeys behaving like humans when they introduced the concept of MONEY to them (scroll down to read)

anyway, the main point of the effect thingy is illustrated in this story.

EFFECT: One of the states of USA was predicting a even higher rise in crime rate, everyone was fearing for their lives. but suddenly, the crime rates fell to super super safe. and everyone was wondering why.

CAUSE: Awhile back, all the states of USA were petitioning for legal abortion. illegal was super expensive, so only rich and middle class people were able to do it. and they succeeded in making it legal.

apparently, all the people who were supposed to commit crime (research shows that being from a poor, unstable home makes someone more likely to commit crime) were being aborted. so all those poor people were having legal, cheap abortions & those feotuses that were gotten rid of were the ones that was supposed to commit crime!

anyway, so the lack of asians in melbourne. what effect does that have? i wonder....


THE MONKEY STORY
so they put fake coins out on a tray to the monkeys one at a time in a seperate cage and the monkeys would have to exchange the coins for treats (jello or a piece of fruit) and one random day, a monkey tossed the tray back to the rest of the monkeys in the main cage and ran after the coins [bank robbery!]

and the researchers tried to get back the coins. but the monkeys wouldn't give up the coins unless the researchers gave them the treats in exchange for the coins [crime pays!].

so while giving the treats in exchange for the coins, the head researcher noticed a male monkey giving a coin to a female monkey. the researcher thought that the male monkey was showing kindness to the female monkey... instead. BAM. the first recorded instance of monkey prostitution. and 8 seconds later, the female monkey came up to the researcher to buy jello.

COOL RIGHT COOL RIGHT!!! sadly the experiment didn't continue cause the researchers thought that money was destroying their social interaction and their group. i would love to get my hands on that group of monkeys and see what happens. i reckon in 10 years time you would have prostitution, crime, abortions, bribery and a mafia in that monkey group