sometimes.

sometimes,

when you need strength, you try to find it in various places
if taking a break and surfing the net doesn't help,

then there's talking to friends online. and if that doesn't work,
listen to music and zone out for awhile or a nap. but if you still can't

there's calling a friend. or a few. and just talk to them
but then you find yourself still worn out.

and then your best friends and family. they make you laugh for awhile, smile. wish you were home. and the thought of 20 more days till you're home!

but it seems today, no one gets you. your weariness.
and you look inside yourself and all you see is a well
of blackness. of darkness. an empty well. and you know you're nearly rock bottom.

you've been there before. and its so tempting to let yourself slide to that deep dark place, so easy. to just give up.

then there's nothing to do

but to fall to your knees
and turn to God. and seek solace in him.

and hopefully find in him what you've needed. strength. courage. a fighting chance
but when you've finished praying.
open your eyes. and stare at the four walls that surround you

you still miss what you've been trying so hard to ignore
and you know your source of strength is gone.

that realisation is just enough to push you over the edge,

down
down
down
that dark hole.