singapore- exactly 6316km away

it goes like this
the fourth the fifth
the minor fall
the major lift

there's a wooden post in icms that i used to stand next to when i felt homesick:

it gave me some sort of comfort. that just maybe, maybe, if i aligned my body exactly to the direction it was pointing at, and if i closed my eyes, that i would be home.

i have a ton of work, research and two deadlines within 12 hours. uni life. gotta love it.

i will never be a chef

IMAGINATION.

i do not have what it takes to be a chef.

: (

off to rewrite my menu.

i've asked for help from 2 chefs, and both are reluctant to give me any. problem is this is SOUL BALL. soul food.
seriously, give me any other cuisine and i'll come up with it within a day. italian, spanish, chinese, japanese. but soul food, african american food? i have no idea.

oddly enough, chef decided that chicken salad wrapped in betel leaf was one of the better ones, as well as my pork belly. that's chinese food!!!

eff it. if you've got a singaporean head chef planning the menu...

well, let's just say i'm seriously contemplating putting prata there.

glitter in the air

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

glitter in the air
-pink

ask yourself all of these questions
& sometimes, you don't need an answer

i think of all the things that have happened to me so far, and at the time, problems seemed so big, projects seemed to matter but now its just a memory, something you've grown stronger from.

imagine all of your life's major problems, they'll fade away into nothingness just like that time you didn't bring your textbook to a super strict teacher's class, or you and your best friend were quarrelling and now its nothing.

like a scar, it leaves small marks on your character, shaping you into a person.

imgfave

i abit the slow when discovering websites.

i don’t know how long this has been up but i love love love looking at it :

http://imgfave.lg1x8z.simplecdn.net/popular

i love most of the pictures. i would love to print all of them out and wall paper my room with it, but the school printer’s quite sucky & doesn’t do the pictures justice so i’m happy just looking at them. :D

on a side note, don’t you think my font’s ampersand, the ‘&’, is exceptionally pretty? :D i should learn how to write my ‘&’ like that. mine’s a sucky normal ‘&’.

a small part of me will always miss you & try to love you

thoughts of the glutton in me

YOU KNOW WHAT I MISS ABOUT MELBOURNE RIGHT NOW?!
besides the wonderful elgin/verve/cs/all-the-other-places people

THE FREAKIN FOOD

i miss the food

omg. i'm so hungry now. and i'm still thinking of ways to improve my menu for the upcoming function. SO, hungry me, searching for recipies = RAWR. TORTURE.

its difficult looking at food food and more food. the pictures are so alluring, its like food porn. now i know how the guys must feel in NS where porn is blocked and there are no girls and all they can do is stare at the lousy photo of their girlfriend.

i have red rock deli, tim tams and indomie in my room with me.

BUT MY TASTEBUDS DEMAND
the red spice road pork belly
mekong spring rolls
melody's jelly
hazel's chicken wings
my own portebello mushrooms in garlic butter(i do realise i can make this anywhere in the world but it tastes better when i'm cooking it and bill is trying to sneak some off the frying pan)

sigh
i'll have to settle for some indomie (at 2 am in the morning?! gasp! your weight!)
but jeff's fried indomie tastes much better

and i'm terrified

Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Say a prayer to yourself
He says close your eyes
Sometimes it helps
And then I get a scary thought
That he’s here means he’s never lost

As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late too pick up the value of my life

'russian roulette'

rihanna

slowly

i think i'm slowly learning to find my happiness in sydney

its still a shit dorm that i'm living in. its still WAY more fun in melbourne.

but i'm learning to appreciate tiny things. a meal with people is still something to be treasured, having a laugh with classmates will still make you happy.

my mum and dad went off to turkey and syria to retrace the footsteps of paul or some other disciple. and my mum decided to stop in dubai after that. I WANT TO TAKE A HOLIDAY. preferable to some exotic destination. i haven't gone on holiday for 1 and a half years now. and by holiday i mean not melbourne/sydney/singapore.

i just got off the phone with my parents, both in an unsually good mood (probably because of the nice holiday they had) and my mum suggested going to rome, great barrier reef or japan in september. YAY. BUT if i go rome, i want to have savings to splurge in milan, great barrier reef- i have to learn to dive first and japan, well, i don't speak japanese and i still want to have money to spend on those kawaii stationery and clothes. I NEED CASH.

i'll think about that when the time comes.

until then, i've got to STUDY. and think of ways to get the cash i need so badly.

trying

i do try to be a good person.

why is it so hard for me to open up?

i remember when making friends was the easiest thing in the world.
i remember when i wasn't so...

cold

surprise

so basically, bill managed to delay me and distract me until we reached elgin street after eating dinner and going to borders to read. he tried turning the key but it was stuck (a common occurence) then asked me to try. when i opened the door, there was total darkness except for a light shinning in my face and everyone (15 of them) started singing happy birthday

 

=.="

even though they were singing happy birthday and it was a farewell thing, i was still very touched. only at that point in time did it strike me that i was going to leave all these wonderful people behind. and that knowledge was the 3rd worst feeling i had. i alternated between laughing and crying. there was supper that melody and chermaine had made (kaii helped- i know she’ll insist i put this in). and the barley with ginko nut and fu chok was so nice and melody’s famous jelly was there. and jeff had boiled chrysanthemum with rock sugar cause i had a sore throat. >.< i’m using a lot of my not usual emoticons here cause i was really damn touched.

there were 2 highpoints during the supper that i felt, well, like crying and laughing.

reading through the scrapbook and reading all the messages. and looking at my retarded photos.

jeff was looking for cups and all were dirty. so he took a cup and washed it in the sink and scooped directly from the chrysanthemum pot with the cup. then he handed it to me. i was shocked beyond words. its not that jeff is an unkind person or something. he fries indomie(yum) for us when we request it for lunch and he downloaded house m.d. for me. its just that he doesn’t show much emotion. and when he handed me that cup of chrysanthemum tea that he boiled and the cup that he washed, it made me want to cry. so i pretended to fake cry and he did the same and we both ended up laughing so much.

thank you: xian, hua & donk(who didn’t make it) for the messages. to debs, amy, grace, lin, kendrick and wai hoe, thanks for coming. to melody, chermaine and kaii, thanks for planning this and ensuring that i didn’t get suspicious and for cooking and making the scrapbook and decorating the place. thanks to ryan, jeff, chen, jia yang for the loan of elgin 270. thanks to bill for keeping me distracted.

thanks to everyone for making my wish of having a last meal&gathering come true.  :D

day 4, term 5.

i am determined to have my cake and eat it too.

day 4 in sydney, 198 days till the end of the academic year so that i can go home

got everything settled in. still require a hole puncher, a mechanical pencil, a small sink filter/drainer thingy and a hand towel. the room looks REALLY BARE without the stuffs i usually bring like my 2 posters, pooh and the stationery box. i managed to bring all my stuff in with 1 23.8 kg luggage, and 2 hand carries. AMAZING RIGHT. my room has a sink which i am grateful for and will attempt to wear contact lenses. yeowch.

melody and grace messaged me today and the guys called yesterday. i argued over the phone with ryan about how Catholics are classed under Christianity along with protestants. ITS LIKE CATHOLICS ARE A SUBSET OF CHRISTIANITY. GO READ WIKIPEDIA. OR THE BIBLE. OR SOMETHING. i’m pretty sure i’m right. anyway, its really expensive to debate over phone of theological matters. but its ok cause he never finishes his credit anyway. ahh. the arguing makes me feel like i’m back at elgin.

as for the smses from grace and melody, it didn’t make my blood pressure rocket but it also did make me feel like i’m missed. which is a very nice feeling :D

as for school life, i signed up to be the liason between the asian students association and the singaporean population here which is a grand total of 4. but there are events to be planned so :D may the force be with me(and my butchered mandarin)

goals for this term? my marks will be 75 or higher. and a gpa of 3.5. eat more fruits and be more consistent in studying. i think that’s about it. OH AND WORK LIKE SHIT. ok :D

met up with kristy, sean, denise & kevin here. sean gave a tour of uni of sydney and its FREAKIN BIG. like sprawling. twice the size of melb uni. and its so pretty :D i’ll definitely go back to take more nice shots of the quadrangle which is modelled after oxford and cambridge and its the oldest part of it. and the grass inside the quad is GREEN. its as green as artificial grass. its so nice. but the grass is off limits.

i’m trying to find the little happy things in sydney. its difficult. in melbourne, it just flows in abundance. so i’ll have to adjust and learn.

which brings me to the ‘thoughtful, deep and meaningful’ shit.

one of the most important and valuable lessons i learnt was how to be alone. sounds weird? i always had a group of friends in mg(sec school) to eat with, play with and stuff. but sec 2 came and there was nobody to fall back on. i had to slowly learn to go downstairs for recess and sit by myself and eat. and not to feel isolated just because i wasn’t good friends with anyone in my class. it isn’t easy. to have the roaring laughter and chatter surround you and you’re by yourself and you have to not feel down about that. but its very easy to sneak food to somewhere quiet and eat there in the peaceful silence. but to me, that’s the easy way out and you’ll never learn. its easy to be alone when its quiet.

so i will try to reach out more. to people, to my books, to God.