THE monologue

Melissa's monologue. totally typed from memory. so, not word perfect.

I knew i was bombing, i couldn't get a hold of it. And while i'm babbling, i look out and there's this kid, like 16, and he's yawning and jiggling his legs and reading his program and i just wanted to say "hey kid, i'm with you i can't stand this either" but i couldn't do that so i just keep worse and worse, just drowning. And then i thought i'm not hamlet, i'm no actor, what am i doing here? And then i get to the big job, the soliloquy, and then i thought, oh christ, the hell with it. Just do it!

to be or not to be that is the question
whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
or to take arms against a sea of troubles
and by opposing, end them

and i kept going. And i finished the speech, And i look out, the kid listening and the whole audience; complete silence, total focus. And i was hamlet. and it lasted for about 10 more seconds and i was in hell. and i stayed there. but for that one small bit, for that one speech, i had it.

- i hate hamlet Paul Rudnick

and no, i do not hate hamlet. i do not hate shakespeare. in fact i'd rather do an out damned spot anyday over the 10 choices given to us. my monologue's on friday. pray that i do not get stage fright, then trip and fall or forget my lines or suddenly need to go to the loo or all of the above.